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Make room for grief during the holidays: 'There are people that we will miss'

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OMAHA, Neb. (KMTV) — While many people get to spend the holiday season surrounded by those who love them most, for others it’s a constant reminder of loved ones who aren’t there.

“If you are grieving someone, there is a layer of loneliness and longing and just sadness,” said Sandy Lemen, programs director at Collective for Hope.

Lemen oversees Grief’s Journey, which offers free peer-to-peer grief support groups. She has some ideas to help loved ones who are grieving.

That includes giving them permission to be who they are, even sad, and to not run away from the reason they’re grieving.

“They’re already sad. You cannot make someone more sad by talking about it. And we see time and time again that actually giving space for people to talk about their loss actually makes them smile,” said Lemen.

Urban Abbey United Methodist Church recently held a ‘Blue Christmas Service’ to remember that the holidays can be painful.

“We are real people and there are people that we will miss at Christmas or Hanukkah or any holiday gathering,” said Pastor Debra McKnight.

McKnight has some advice for supporting loved ones as well.

“Just listening is what I think our job is and just letting whoever is experiencing grief lead the conversation and not try to respond with our anxiety by offering cliches or things we heard,” said McKnight.

And if you are in a place where you are grieving feel free to take breaks, stay home or even come to events for a limited time.

“I would say just lower your expectations. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. It’s okay to set boundaries,” said Lemen.

She also said therapy is always an option for those struggling.

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